I can't imagine living with HIV/AIDS.

I felt them, their eyes watching me as I moved to the Injection room to receive my shots. I had earlier on given my folder to a nurse who explained to me that I needed to run a test which I didn’t have money for. I had come to the hospital alone. As I moved to the Injection Room, I saw a man (he didn’t look like nurse and didn’t look like a doctor) pick it up and look through. The nurse signaled to him that I was the one. I couldn’t hear, but I did see. It was obvious, very obvious they were talking about me.

That word stigma, the word I had carelessly used to describe what I had only attributed to people who had HIV/AIDS had walked up to me and embraced me with open arms. I felt ashamed, angry and sad. I tried tapping my heels together like Dorothy of the Wizard of Oz so I could disappear from that hospital. It didn’t work.

 

The nurse tied a plastic tube around my upper arm and began searching for a vein to give me shots. She tried effortless about 3 times . Afterwards she was able to locate a vein. She gave me three shots of something . I have never been scared of needles but that day,I was. It was painful and I wanted to cry. After the last shot, blood was just oozing out. OMG, whats happening? An older nurse entered the room and watched as the younger one tried to stop the bleeding.

 She said,"You are a beautiful girl, don't be doing that. Next time tell him to use a condom.See how you are suffering.Have you seen ?Make sure he uses a condom the next time. He won;t marry you.Why are you doing this to yourself ? Can't you just wait till you get married?

 

To be continued.

 

 

Preparing to Die

Its seems everyone is dying these days. I think its almost the same rate as ,babies being born and people getting married. Students,friends,family, colleagues everyone is going.
It seems no one likes to talk about this topic.Its as if when you talk about it, you'll be the next one to go.
Our human minds always trying to understand this phenomenon.We ask why? All the time. We can't understand.We won't understand how a 4 yrs old, 16, 30 year old be facebooking one minute and the next momet will just die. At least for those who are not youth, its normal. We tend to think that they've lived their enitire lives anyway. But the young ones.How?How?

I die to live.
Its funny how people come up with different theories, especially when young people are involved in accidents which lead to their deaths. Schools of thought emerge as to what happened, especially if they were returning from the club, or beach or some wierd "bad" place. At the university of Ghana, preachers the next morning will usually have a field day during their dawn services and probably win a lot of souls (We thank God for that).
But really does it make any difference where the person was coming from?Would it have been different if they were from church or mosque or someplace else.Would it? I don't think so.

I used to fear "Death" and cringe at the mention of her name. This has changed. These days, when I talk to my partner about death, my partner does not want to hear it." Don't talk like that", my partner says.
 But the truth is whether we like it or not we are all going to die. And accepting that fact of life for me has change my perspective on life. To live, I need to die everyday. "My cells die to reproduce new cells. My skin peels off to reveal new skin",my Guru Bro. Ishmeal Tetteh.

These days,being buried has become so expensive. In fact I'm told its no more 16 feet and that people are buried on top of each other. The Accra Metropolitan Assembly is running out of cemetary space.
I've made my decision, I would like to be cremated.As for my ashes, I'm still deciding if I should go with the wind or flow in some river for the fishes to feed on. lol!!!

I live life freely now. Knowing that I understand that without death I cannot live.
I embrace death in her beauty and splendour.She's beautiful, She cares. She's not cold and icy.
She only facilitates my journey to meet my maker.
And whenever she comes, however painful it may be, I will go.

Life is short,yet long...
Live,Die and Live again.

Letter to My Unborn Child

My Dear Baby,

I wasn't ready for you. But you came anyway.
Your filling the space in my womb now. How am I gonna tell my parents you are already here? I wasn't prepared for you. How much more them ?
Knowing my Ghanaian parents, their gonna force me to marry your dad. Eii. I'm dead!!!I'm finished!!!
I wanted to get rid of you.Yes its true. I never thought I could even consider that option.
But I did. I was ready to drop all my beliefs about "Pro life"  without a second thought. Yes, you never what it feels like until you are in someone's shoes.
The only thing that stopped me was my lack of courage.The courage to carry out this act a second time.I know, I've done it before, way after I dropeed my "Pro life" arguement. But still I couldnt,I just couldn't.
Your dad....., He doesn't want to see me anymore. It's not his responsibilty, he says.
And you know,I don't blame him. I blame myself for falling in love with such an ass. What was I thinking ?
I still can't understand, how did this happen? Well, I mean, I know what happened, I had sex. Yes, but.... But what?
Its useless now. There's no point going back. Is there?Your already here and you are growing by the day.
My tummy is gradually becoming big. I know I will not be able to hid it any longer. I don't think I should even bother to hid it. Am I ashamed? Yes? No? And if I am, I'm I ashamed of you or myself? But, what is there to be ashamed of? A lot, my dear, alot? Child out of wedlock?What will the church folk say?
What will they say? Hmnn!!! What to do, What to do?

Do I have a choice? Is it really my decision? Do have power over whether you should live or die?
I'm keeping you my love.I know its going to be hard.But I'm keeping you.
I love you.I love you.
I know that whatever brought us together is for a higher and nobler cause.

Love,
Your mum.

I'm writing from a point of view of people in this situation.It's a mix of how I think I would feel if I was in a similar situation. This post has been inspired by what I see happening around me.Lol!!! Please don't get it twisted.

In Ghana, I believe most young women in this situation go through this stage at certain points in their lives and take tough decisions. The stigma that surrounds teenage pregnancy, pregnancy outside marriage coupled with lack of sex education and support in our society actually worsens the situation.
I recently watched a video by Anas Aremeyaw Anas, Afirca's seasoned investigative journalist and I couldn't watch till the end. I'm was utterly dismayed and rendered speechless. How could this happen?

I can't finish this post.Really, I can't.

My Local Bakery

For those of us who were born in the technological age, we virtually have no idea what old techniques and methods were used by our ancestors.

My Neighbourhood Baker

I write this post because, I recently saw a mud oven in my neighbourhood. I thought it was so awesome and cool that I actually needed to write a post on it.
In my 23 years of living in Ghana, I have never seen a mud oven before. lol!!!

I'm exceptionally proud of this woman whose making a living for herslf and her family.

I just had to take pictures of it to show you guys, especially those in the developed world how I get my bread these days.
Lol!!!
Have you guys seen these before?
Great Day!!!

New Beginings

I've always wanted to express my thoughts ever since I can remember, but coming from a culture which does not allow children to speak up,I have been rendered speechless at certain critical times of my life.
There have been moments when I've felt like I  had to say something to defend myself. But then I shut up because speaking up would only make things worse.

In Ghana, children or youth who speak up are considered disrespectful. Hmm!!!
I wonder.I really do. What do our elders mean by respect.Everday, they wake up and all they can say is respect,respect,respect.Aba!!!

So, this blog is dedicated entirely top free my thoughts.To speaking out even if no one will hear me. To letting it all out.Letting it go. Its gonna be a mix of fiction and nonfiction . A mixture of my experiences coupled with the experiences of others to make it an ideal wholistic representation of what an average Ghanaian girl would experience in her daily life.

Hmmn, I feel relieved already.

Welcome!!!

Welcome to the Secret Life of a Ghanaian Girl.